Sounds of Snow
by damoon
Summary: Sonomi and Fujitaka think about love, relationships and the passage of time.


Author's Note: Ah... I've always thought these two were a cute couple. It seems like a perfect match because I for one am a believer that opposites do attract. This is cannon somewhat but it also weaves the stories of Tomoyo 's and Eriol's in my "Ichiban" series. It's a little long but as most love stories it takes awhile for people to fall for each other and to realize that they really do need each other right?

------SOUNDS OF SNOW------

PART 1: Daidouji Sonomi

It was a long time ago but she remembered dreaming something about being in this very place. Was it something she read or something she had seen on some obscure TV show? She wasn't exactly sure but lately everything seemed to just happen so strangely and unexpected. She felt like she wasn't real most of the time or that she really was gliding along in some dream.

She opened the window of her rather small room inside the Isomoto Inn. It wasn't like she was used to small rooms like this one but being the president of the toy company for so long she was used to having the best of the best whenever she stayed anywhere. Yet this place felt like "home" a bit. Like a long lost memory suddenly resurfacing. Her grandfather used to take her to places like these with Nadeshiko when they were both children. She and Nadeshiko would play in the snow making angels or pretend that they were eskimos living where eskimos lived in America. In that place called Alaska. The snow is never this wild or winter never this cold in Tomoeda. Where she was now was snow country. High in the mountains, full of inns and vacationing families. There are geishas in kimonos and businessmen walking alone in their dark winter coats. The sounds of the people relaxing in the onsen and the noise of the people skiing can be heard through her opened window. She was observing and she was remembering and she was excited and maybe scared and maybe hopeful or hopeless whatever it is. It made her feel just very different from what she was used to.

And then she remembered what it was, why she thought this place seemed familiar. It seemed just like the book she read by Yasunari Kawabata. He was Nadeshiko's favorite author and often wondered why such a happy, energetic girl, can like a writer who almost always wrote about loneliness and depression. A writer who, despite his many fans and many awards killed himself. Nadeshiko though read his many books because they were beautifully written with passion and loneliness flying through every page. That was how her cousin, with clasped hands and bright eyes and all, described it to her.

"Kinomoto-sensei... he read me a passage..." Nadeshiko continued but Sonomi at that time did not want to hear. Her heart sank and some kind of anger rose up inside her. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not at all. Her plans and her heart did not want to know about Kinomoto-sensei.

But she started reading anyway. And when her cousin, the only one Sonomi cared about and loved and would have done anything for suddenly disappeared, when the smile that was special to her went to Sensei... well, she can almost certainly understand then, the loneliness of Kawabata's writing. She was bitter and mad. She thought she can still win yet she already knew she had lost.

Sonomi though did not give up because it wasn't fair. How can Nadeshiko love this man whom she only knew for such a short time? Her former teacher can't possibly love her cousin as much as she did. He can't possibly know all that was Nadeshiko as much as she did. She found many reasons and the more she found those reasons the more she hated him. He was too old for her anyway, too serious, too strange, he was her former teacher forgodsakes. What did Nadeshiko see in that kind of person?

"He seems to make me feel like another person Sonomi-chan. When I'm with him I feel like smiling all the time." Everytime he was mentioned, it felt like she was stabbed in the heart.

When Sensei and her cousin got married she ran away to steel herself from her feelings and built a wall. Nadeshiko said she was pregnant soon after and Sonomi tried not to think about it. She instead went to college, went vacationing in Africa and Europe and even to that place in America where the "eskimos" lived in her grandfather's stories. She visited once to see the baby. A boy they named Touya.

Kinomoto-sensei tried to make her feel comfortable... "Sonomi-kun, please stay for awhile. I made a cake. Nadeshiko-san said you take a special liking to tea flavors so I made this..."

It didn't help. Sonomi shut down. They were still talking to her, their eyes happy, their baby beautiful but she was deaf and she was blind. She told them that she had to go. She didn't look back. Her wall kept getting higher, her hatered for him getting deeper and she began to put all her efforts in a newly formed company that made toys. That was her life mostly. She already tried love and it dissapointed her so she didn't even bother with it anymore.

For seven years it went on like that and then one spring day, when it seemed the whole of Tokyo turned pink because of all the sakura, she recieved a phone call.

"Sonomi-chan, please come. I miss you. Fujitaka-san and I want to see you. I want you to meet Sakura." Her wall was already built though. Sonomi told her that she lived too far away and she was too busy. First a Touya, now a Sakura. She wondered how this little girl looked. A boy and a girl. A father and a mother. They were a perfect happy family weren't they?

Still she was like the novels of Kawabata. Those lonely, depressed characters. Nothing changed no matter what she did. She felt empty and the news of this baby Sakura made her feel like a well that was dried up way too long. She met a man a few months later... and just for one brief moment, for one brief time her heart became full because suddenly she found herself smiling. It felt strange. This man said all the right things. He told her she was beautiful, he told her that she was sweet, it really didn't matter if he meant it or not because he made her feel, even if it were just a brief moment, that she mattered. He at least made her forget. She found herself doing what she never thought she would do. When she woke up the next day, he was gone. What did she expect? She soon found out she was pregnant.

To Sonomi, when Nadeshiko had not chosen her, the light inside her died. When Tomoyo was born it began to burn again. Some of her wall even crumbled. This beautiful child came out of her and she was determined to make everything possible for her.

Three years later... a phone call.

"Sonomi-kun..." The sensei didn't sound so animated over the phone like he usually did whenever he called to ask how her Tomoyo was. Why was he calling anyway and not Nadeshiko?

She did not put the reciever down, even though she wanted to. She did not want to talk to her former teacher. To the man who took her cousin away from her. "What is it." She said it like a statement instead of a question. She didn't even want to hear what he had to say.

"Nadeshiko-san... Nadeshiko-san... she..." Kinomoto-sensei broke down. He apologized for crying . She didn't need him to continue because she already knew anyway what was wrong.

Her heart felt empty even more. Tomoyo was the only one to salvage her from what she knew would probably have lead her to depression. The death of Nadeshiko convinced her that if it wasn't for Fujitaka, her cousin would still be alive. For the longest time, even when they met again a couple of years later and their daughters went to school together she still believed that. Sonomi felt that if she put the blame on him, at least she can feel better about herself and about her loss. It was a very selfish feeling but it made her at least become stronger. Nothing was ever going to break her down again because she had Tomoyo and that was enough. A daughter who looked like Nadeshiko. Sonomi thought that alone was a gift. She was determined to make Tomoyo look even more beautiful, make her look more like Nadeshiko. By the time Tomoyo met Sakura-chan, Tomoyo already knew what her role was. Sonomi wondered if it was her doing and if she were to blame for what was happening in her daughter's life. It was probably so. Tomoyo knew her well. At least, for the most part Tomoyo was stronger than she was. At least Tomoyo was able to leave with a smile and give support with a smile. She couldn't even do thatl.

"Can't you wait for a little while?" She asked this when her daughter was packing for England to go to some music school she applied for. "Are you leaving because of this boy and Sakura-chan? What are you doing?"

"I can't stay here," she said, simply. "I want Li-kun and Sakura-chan to be happy. I want to try to be happy. I want to go to this school. I want to do what I want to do"

What was she doing anyway, asking such things and eventually leading her daughter to the same path?

"But what about here?" she pressed on though. "There are better schools here. Sakura-chan will miss you. What will you do?" In truth she didn't want Tomoyo to go because she felt she was giving up. Tomoyo was losing like she had lost and all she wanted was for Tomoyo to have what she never had.

"Sakura-chan has someone else to worry about her." She said this with a smile.

"You shouldn't lose to what you want."

"No Mother. I haven't lost anything at all. Rather I need to find what I want or who I am because I want my own destiny." Her daughter kissed her on the cheek and blushed slightly. "I know that sounds strange. But Mother, maybe you should do that too. I am not the daughter that you wanted to be Nadeshiko-san and I know you are not the woman who is still wanting what you can't have. Stop doing that to yourself. You deserve better. Find what you really want." Sonomi had never heard Tomoyo talk like that to her before. It seemed like she was punched on the face.

"I never wanted you to be anything but you. I didn't mean to compare. I didn't meant to..."

"It's alright. Everything will be alright," Tomoyo said simply, cutting her off. "I understand. It's because you love me."

She would never forget her daughter's words because it was true to the very core. She still kept reservations, she still kept feelings of ignorance towards the man that took away Nadeshiko. She still held blame but it was not worth it anymore. Just like her daughter, she needed to find what she really wanted in life before it was too late.

But what was that exactly?

About a month after Tomoyo left, she heard the front gate's buzzer from the garden. It quite surprised her considering it was so early on a Sunday morning. No one really visited her anyway. A busy woman usually had busy friends too busy to visit except on rare occassions. Sonomi got up from various flowers she tried to plant haphazardly to look at the security system's camera. She took in a deep breath. It wasn't surprising that he would show up sooner or later.

"Sensei," she said with a heaviness in her voice.

He smiled at the security camera. "I came to see how you're doing."

Sonomi sighed, then pressed the button for the gates to open so he can come inside. "I'm in the garden. You can come around back."

Within minutes, he was standing beside her holding out a plastic bag. "Maybe we can have breakfast together today, Sonomi-kun. I've made tea and the pancakes are still hot."

She dusted the soil from her pants and turned to face him. As always he was smiling. His hair was combed, his shirt and pants nicely pressed and everything about him was perfect.

That word "perfect" was probably the only word that can possibly describe him. His only fault even when she was in highschool was how he had trouble remembering names. Since highschool she tried to find other faults but she came up with nothing else and the more she did this, the more she found faults within herself instead. This fact was another reason why she hated him so much. Why was he so damn perfect? It was irritating.

"Alright,"she replied. "I am a little hungry."

He smiled again. "I hope I didn't disturb you." He served her the pancakes he made when they sat down at the gazebo in the middle of the garden. "How are you doing? How is Tomoyo-san doing?"

"I'm fine," she answered. "Just fine. Tomoyo is doing fine. She said everyone there is taking care of her. This Hiiragizawa-kun especially."

"Hiiragizawa-kun is a kind person," the sensei replied.

Sonomi nodded in agreement although she didn't really know this Hiiragizawa-kun other than from her daughter's description of him and the picture she had sent. "You know, he looks a bit like you. Hiiragizawa-kun. If I didn't know any better he probably did look like you when you were younger."

To her surprise the sensei didn't reply right away. He seemed to be remembering something... something he had probably forgotten until that very moment. He took a bite from his pancake and said, "You know... maybe he did. I don't quite remember my childhood. I remember my life only after I met Nadeshiko-san. When I met you. When I became a teacher. I never knew until much later." She expected him to continue with this story but he didn't. He just smiled again. "Is the tea all right? The pancakes?"

"Yes," she answered, drinking the tea. Sonomi stared at him because she still didn't understand what was going on. What exactly am I doing? "Um... Sensei," she began. "Why?"

"Why?" He looked confused.

"Don't you have something better to do than being here? University things, I mean. I don't want to hold you up. I'm quite alright. I'm trying to do some gardening. It keeps me busy." Sonomi looked down at the food and the tea. He wasn't saying anything at all, so it made her blush. Did she just embarrass herself in front of him? Was she being rude? "Thank-you for the breakfast though. It was nice that you thought of me, Sensei."

"It's hard isn't it?" He said after an uncomfortable silence. "Since Touya-kun moved and Sakura-san is busy with high school, it seems too quiet in the house. Nadeshiko-san sometimes...." He trailed off as Sonomi looked up from her tea. Nadeshiko... It was the first time in a long time that he said that name in front of her. He sighed and started over again. "I know how it feels to be in house so quiet. It's such a nice day today. I would like to help you with the gardening, if you don't mind my help. And there's a student play based on an Kawabata book at the University tonight. I would like to take you, if you don't find going with me to be a burden."

Why? Sonomi didn't know what to say. What is all this? Why all of a sudden? How many years have they known each other? How many years has she showed her contempt for him and he just took it without any hard feelings. Sometimes her competitiveness towards him was so riduculous. Like that time they raced against each other during Field Day at Tomoeda Elementary. He had beaten her then and she gave a fit. She still couldn't ever live up to that humilation. Why? It just didn't make sense. And then he mentioned Nadeshiko's name... What is he trying to do really? After all these years... she still felt somewhat uncomfortable around him but she couldn't help that no matter what. If there was medicine or a special prayer to cure her reservations, it would not cure anything because it was still in her blood that this was the man that spoiled the only love she really ever had. Her daughter told her to find happiness, her daughter left because in the end... Tomoyo did not want to end up like her.

Find my own thing... Find my happiness...

"It wouldn't be a burden at all." She said without looking at him, too afraid that he might see her blush because she relented.

"Then it would be nice if you do one thing for me," he said sounding relieved.

"What is that?"

"Please don't call me Sensei anymore. You haven't been my student in more than 20 years now."

Somoni felt herself smiling. "You just reminded me how old we're getting."

"You can never be too old." Fujitaka-san said with a small laugh.

It was probably because she had known him for so long that it seemed like just a common thing. At least, she told herself, it started out that way. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and even as a year passed by, he was there for her always looking concerned and eager to see her with a smile on his face. He would talk about the writings of Kawabata between talks of current excavations the University faculty were doing in Central Africa. He spoke of the snow in Hokkaido and paintings by Hiroshige. He helped her arrange her garden and bought her new tea flavors to test if she can guess what flavor it was. It was really too much but she never bothered to stop him because... because... what was it? She found herself waiting for his next visits, couldn't wait for the morning to start when he would be there in front of her gate with that smile. It was absured and unnatural. She wasn't acting like herself.

"Sonomi-san...." he began one Sunday in November while they were walking home from an afternoon of watching a movie. He had switchcd from calling her '-kun' to '-san' a long time ago. Sonomi liked the way he said her name so casually and so simply. She never knew her name can be spoken so beautifully She did not tell him this of course, nor did she say anything when he called her that for the first time. "I want to know," he continued. "If you're free... would you like to come to Hokkaido with me?"

The question came so sudden that she didn't know what to say. What was she supposed to say?

"It's ok," he said not waiting for her reply, probably sensing her indecision.. "You don't have to decide now. It won't be until New Years after all but I would be very happy if you spent it with me." Fujitaka smiled his familiar smile. They were already in front of her house and when the gates opened to let her in, he bowed to her and said goodbye, giving her a light kiss on her cheek. Sonomi stood in the cold afternoon air watching him walking down the street until he turned a corner and she couldn't see him anymore.

His question startled her. It was so honest and open that she had to remind herself that it wasn't a dream. She touched her cheek, still feeling the warmth of his kiss. It was the first time he kissed her and the touch warmed her. Her heart beat like some madness had overtaken it. Why did she feel so overcome. It wasn't like her. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Memories of Nadeshiko came to her when she made her way to her bedroom to lie down. She had never expected to feel anything more from Fujitaka-san other than dislike. But his kiss and his words and his company... things like this did not happen to her. She was used to being alone to still savor the love that she used to have. It made her feel very insecure. If she decided to go... if she really thought about it, she knew that her feelings for Fujitaka-san were changing. It was a deep feeling now, whenever she was not in his company it made her feel like something was missing inside her.

But how can she feel this way about this man? How can he possibly feel the same way about her, when she knew that Nadeshiko was his life? And certainly... what it all comes down to is that she knew she can never compare to Nadeshiko.

She did not want to burden him. It was too much. For the first time really she cared about his happiness. It was better this way she thought. She was crazy to be wrapped up in such emotions.

So when the phone rang the next day, she did not answer though she wanted to. She went to work and busied herself, shipped off packages to Tomoyo even when Tomoyo had told her many times over that she really didn't need anything, and when he came to the gates to visit her, she pretended she was not home and would watch him from her window until he turned to leave.

Just leave me, Sensei... it'll be better for you...

AN:#2: Hokkaido is the northern most island in Japan. It's the coldest and snowiest region of the country. Therefore, this story will be set there because I like snow and many go there for skiing and hiking and it would be perfect for a winter... well, a FREEZING winter getaway. Kawabata Yasunari really is a great writer so if any of you who read this ever get a chance, check out his books. He did win the Nobel Prize for Literature, after all.

AN: #3 Part two will be about Fujitaka and Nadeshiko...


End file.
